Recovery
by Havah Kinny
Summary: JONAS AU not agents! Sequel 2 Twist of Fate. It's been one year since Joe let Nick go, since he went back to face his fate...On the anniversary of that day, Nick goes to talk to Kevin about what really happened that night. Jonascestish.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N Alright, so this is the sequel to Twist of Fate…and it's from Kevin's Point of View…in case I don't make that obvious enough! Also, the sequel is NO WHERE NEAR as good as the original. I'm sorry for my lack of updating this weekend, I had prom so I've been busy, I'm going to try to update most if not all of my stories today.  
**_

It had been a year. Exactly one year, and I'm pretty sure that's how I knew that everyone was still awake. One year since Joe had been admitted to the hospital with injuries so frightening that I cried. One year since initial statements were made. One year since Nick had shown up at my dorm at four in the morning telling me that Joe was in trouble. One year since we'd called the cops…since they'd rescued him…one year of lawsuits and tears and confusion.

I sat on my bed just thinking about everything. The truths had come out in the law suit…they had to, it was Joe's only hope. After the police broke into the house where Joe was being held hostage, chaos ensued. Five of the thirteen gang members had been shot, the other eight, including Joe, had been arrested. Joe was the only one who was in the hospital though, paying for his crimes with pain caused by people he had chosen to associate himself with. That was when I found out things about him that I had never thought could be possible. He was facing murder charges, kidnapping charges, assault and battery…he was facing the death penalty. In a way it was lucky that he had been tortured because it made him a good witness – and testimonies in a case like that are practically guaranteed immunity…he was. Nick didn't want to press charges against Joe and the only way to do that was to lie…or more leave out bits of the truth. I remember before Nick made his statement to the police he pulled me aside; told me that Joe had done things to him…that Joe had told him to keep them a secret, but he had to tell someone and if not me, the police…and that would be the end.

I was scared. Scared because I was helpless. If these seven boys got off our entire family would be in danger and all I could do was hope that Nick and Joe's testimonies were enough to condemn them. The trial had been three months ago and it had been agony. I sat in the crowd while my younger brothers told the majority of their story, faced cross examination, and cried on the stand. Thank god it was enough. No one got death, but they all got life in prison, three of them with no chance for parole. I put my college education on hold. I needed to be there for them even if I hadn't gone through all that they had. I would lost my scholarship, but I could continue my education elsewhere…or reapply in a couple of years for the same financial aid…I don't know, it didn't really seem to matter anymore.

Joe and Nick were in therapy. Intense therapy. Our parents blamed themselves. Joe blamed himself. Nick blamed God because we were able to make him see that there was no way he could be held responsible. He had been kidnapped and abused…I saw it as my fault. If I hadn't gone away Joe wouldn't have done this…he wouldn't have been like this. Then again had he not been there, Nick would have been killed. Destiny is a funny thing. Nick and Joe both needed me...Joe because he was used to me being there, I was his dependable character since dad had worked so much and Nick…Nick needed someone who wasn't a parent. Our parents got together with me, leaving Nick and Joe out of more drama, and we came up with a living plan. Nick, Joe and I would live with dad because Joe and I had so far…Mom would be allowed to come and visit whenever she wanted, but dad was not required to be near her. They were still on the outs, though this had made some of their old arguments seem petty, unimportant.

Anyways, tonight I sat on my bed knowing that next door Joe's light was on and across the hall, Nick's was. There was no way we would be able to sleep. I knew that it was only a matter of time until one of them knocked softly on my door, looking for someone to talk to or to hold. In one year I had never seen Joe look Nick in the eyes. At first I didn't think anything of it, he felt guilty for what he had done; but Nick forgave him for everything, tried to make Joe see that it wasn't his fault. After that, Nick kept trying to get Joe's attention, to get through to him but Joe said that he couldn't handle it. They hardly acknowledged each other now and that scared me.

"Kevin?" There it was, the quiet whisper and the gentle knock on my door. It was Nick, I could tell from his voice.

"Come in." He opened the door and walked over to where I sat.

"I can't sleep."

"I know." He sat down and put his head on my shoulder.

"I don't think that I can do this anymore." He sniffled softly.

"It'll be ok Nick." I put my arm around him. "You're safe, no one's going to hurt you, I'll take care of you, I swear."

"I wish I'd grown up with you in my life…" he sighed.

"I wish that you had too." I had told him this many times, but he liked to hear it, it comforted him to feel wanted and I understood that.

"I want to be forgiven…"

"Nick, you didn't do anything to him, why should have to beg for his forgiveness?"

"You don't understand." Nick shook his head. "I did do something…something I can't forgive myself for, it's not his forgiveness that I want." Nick gulped.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"You'll hate me." Nick turned away slightly, shaking.

"I won't." I shook my head. "After all that Joe did I still love him…"

"I know…" Nick sighed. "I just…this is different because this wasn't really a choice that I made, it's just sort of something that happened."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I rubbed his back comfortingly. I was dying to know, but pressuring him would be the worst thing to do.

"When he let me go…he took me to a park and told me to go find you, he begged me to hate him and I…I couldn't hate him." Nick looked at me, a few quiet tears staining his cheeks. I didn't say anything; he wasn't finished. "I kissed him Kevin…not for long, he pushed me away, told me that it was Stockholm Syndrome, that I would hate him soon enough but…I don't…" Nick sighed and I pulled him closer. "I fell in love with him Kevin."


	2. Chapter 2

I didn't know how to respond to that. I held him and rubbed his back while he cried, but I didn't understand completely. "He let you go Nick, he gave you freedom. You felt an attachment, I think that's normal."

"No." Nick shook his head. "Before that…before I knew who he was…before we had sex, we kissed…well more he forced his tongue into my mouth, and it wasn't passionate, it was an act of aggression, but I felt weird…and afterwards, he was pushing me around, trying to hurt me, and I kissed him…he was hurting me, raping me, and I felt like dying…but I wanted him so bad." I had no idea what Nick was talking about now…I didn't comprehend how someone could fall for someone who had done that to him.

"Stockholm? Joe was right...?"

"No." Nick shook his head. "I mean I guess it's possible but…but I don't think so. That's why he can't look at me. I think he might know…or he might think that maybe…" Nick trailed off, tears cascaded almost silently from his brown eyes. "After a year of therapy and stuff, Stockholm…it would have dissipated…this didn't. He ignores me and I just can't stop loving him. It's breaking my heart Kevin."

"He thinks that you hate him."

"I've told him that I don't!"

"He doesn't believe you; he doesn't see how anyone could ever forgive what he did."

"How can I make him see?"

"I don't know Nick…I think that maybe you should tell him."

"I can't do that." Nick shook his head. "He'd hate me."

"He wouldn't hate you…the worst thing that happens is he rejects you."

"I don't think that I could handle that, I'm holding on to this…this bogus hope that he raped me because he felt attracted to me…it's irrational, but it's keeping me going. If he rejected me, that would be the end."

"You could move on…"

"I couldn't." Nick shook his head.

"I'm sorry…" I let out a deep sigh and patted Nick's back gently.

"Have you ever been in love?" Nick looked up at me, his wide eyes full of tears.

"No." I shook my head, admitting not only the answer to his question but also that, due to my lack of experience, I had no knowledge of how to help him.

"Oh god…I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut! Now you probably think that I'm some sort of incestuous freak! I swear it's not like that! I fell for him before I knew we shared blood, I promise, I-"

"Nick, I don't think that." I took his wrists in my hands, holding them firmly, but not painfully, and looked him in the eyes so that he knew I wasn't lying to him. "I think that you're in love with someone who's frigid and detached."

"Oh god…"Nick sobbed. "It's hopeless!" He pulled from my arms and fell back on the bed in hysterics. He rolled over so that he was facedown, his tears being soaked up by my pillow. I rubbed his back through his sweatshirt, falling in to rhythm with his shaky tears for almost ten minutes before he rolled onto his back. "I thought I had this down…" Nick sighed.

"Had what down?"

"Life." He wiped away some of his tears. "Last year I had no qualms about anything. I was at the top of my class, I was the only Freshmen starting on Varsity Soccer, I had a girlfriend plus at least three other girls who wanted me. I had a balance. Mom and I took care of each other, I was popular and I was happy. I worked hard and questioned very little…but the second those guys grabbed me all of that just disappeared." Nick sighed.

"I'm so sorry…"

"Just look at me now. I haven't gone to school in a year, you're the only person I really talk to, I haven't even looked at a soccer ball, there are scars everywhere and not just on me, I can't sleep, I'm never hungry and I didn't even break up with my girlfriend, I just stopped talking to her because I fell in love with someone else." Nick shook his head. "I close my eyes and I see that night in the part when he was ready to give his life and I pretend that it was for me, that he let me go to save MY life, not your feelings and I know that's selfish, but it's how I feel."

"Nick, it's ok to feel that way."

"No, no it isn't." He shook his head. "I'm head over heels in love with him. All that I want to do is hold him, kiss him – to tell him that I love him but I'm never going to do it, it could fuck everything up even more…I just can't manage to tell him how I feel."

"Nick…" I gulped." I think that you just did." I looked up ahead of me. Joe was standing in the doorway, his eyes glistening with slow, silent tears.


	3. Chapter 3

"H-how long have you been standing there?" Nick eased himself into a sitting position and spoke shakily. He looked positively terrified. Joe said nothing. For almost a full minute he just stared at Nick, looking him in the eyes for the first time since he'd left Nick in the park. I looked between my two brothers as they stared at each other. Nick was shaking and breaking heavily. It was so quiet that I swore I could almost hear the racing of his heart. Joe stood, his body calm and breath regular. A few silent tears inching slowly down his cheeks were the only indication that something out of the ordinary was going on. I wanted to break the silence, but this was between Nick and Joe…anything I did, even getting up and leaving, would effect the natural happenings.

Joe moved suddenly and I started slightly, shocked. He walked briskly towards us, stopping just short of the bed and without hesitation he grabbed the collar of Nick's sweatshirt with his right hand, pulled him to his feet and into the single most passionate kiss I had ever seen. Within seconds, Joe let go of Nick's sweatshirt and wrapped his left arm around Nick's waist, pulling him closer. His left hand rested on the slight dip in Nick's waist. Nick's arms wrapped loosely around Joe's neck and he worked his jaw slightly, intensifying the kiss. I stared in awe as Joe held Nick close to him even after the kiss was done. I could hear Nick sniffling and Joe pushed Nick back gently so that he could look at him. "Are you alright?" Joe asked.

"Yeah." Nick nodded, wiping away a couple of his tears as he nodded.

"Are you sure?" Joe rested his hand gently on Nick's shoulder.

"Yeah." Nick nodded again. "Just a little confused."

"What's confusing?"

"This…us…what you just did, I mean…you don't feel the same do you?" Nick looked up at Joe, confused.

"Yes! Good god yes." Joe nodded. "Do you realize how hard this is for me? Knowing what I did to you and feeling the way I do?" Joe wiped away one of his own tears.

"I told you, I forgive you."

"I don't understand how you could." Joe sighed. "But I'm glad that you did...because I'm not totally sure how much longer I could have gone without going crazy."

"I love you." Nick moved closer to Joe again and kissed him softly on the lips, shorter this time.

"Look…" Joe sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "If you can't sleep and you need someone to hold you, I promise to keep my hands above your waist." Joe looked up at Nick, slightly embarrassed.

"I'd like that." Nick nodded. I smiled slightly as I watched my brothers interact in such an intimate, loving manner.

"Kevin, I think that I'm gonna go with Joe…" Nick came back over to me and gave me a big hug.

"Are you glad that you got it out?" I asked, whispering in his ear. "Does it feel better to know that he knows?"

"And that he feels the same way?" I could practically hear Nick smiling into my ear.

"Congratulations kid, go sleep, ok? You need it."

"Ok. Thanks for listening to the rants of a stupid seventeen year old." Nick pulled away from me and walked back towards Joe.

"Anytime." I smiled as he took Joe's hand.

"Good night Kevin." Joe smiled shyly at me as he pulled Nick gently from the room. I sighed and lay back on my bed, suddenly exhausted. Things didn't suck anymore. Nick had what he wanted, Joe could look him in the eyes, they were in love, and I was content. It didn't matter that horrible things had happened or that we would live with the memories of the past year for the next fifty – everyone was happy all at once for the first time since the incident and that made it all worth it. I reached over and shut my light off, much anticipating a full night of sleep. I crawled under the covers and hugged my pillow to me so that I would have something to hold. It was comforting, it was perfect.

**o.o.o.o.o**

I woke up the next day and looked over at my digital clock. The red letters on it read 2:54 PM. I let out a deep groan, smiling slightly. Just the fact that I had managed to sleep that long was an indicator that last night's events had not been a dream. I would never have slept that long if I was worried about Nick and Joe and the only way that I wouldn't be worried about them was if they were happy…and I had the feeling that, after what had gone down last night, they were. I pulled myself out of bed and went downstairs to make coffee. "Morning." I yawned at my father.

"Why is no one awake earlier?" He grinned.

"Joe and Nick are still asleep?"

"Both doors are closed, I assume so." He nodded.

"It was a long night…you know, one year? We were all up pretty late freaking out, trying to deal with the memories and shit." I shrugged.

"You ok?"

"I am not, yeah. Joe and Nick seem to be better."

"You want to go see if you can wake them up? I'll take you guys out for lunch."

"Alright." I nodded and took my coffee mug upstairs. I knocked lightly on Joe's door, but no one answered, so I pushed it open slightly. Joe was curled up on the bed in a tiny ball while Nick's arms wrapped around him. They both looked peaceful and I thought that there was a hint of a smile on Nick's lips. I smiled and shut the door, knowing that of all the things I could do right now, waking them up would probably be the worst.

"Any luck?"

"Let's you and I go out, let them catch up on a year of lost sleep."


	4. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

Ok, so on fanfiction

Ok, so on Dew.Stream set up the Jonas Brothers Fanfiction Awards and I have created a spin off of that for Jonas Brothers fanfiction stories that are Slash or Jonascest! There are several categories and you can nominate any story on that meets the requirements!

The site is **www. freewebs. com / havah24601**

Only without the spaces!

The prizes are a little lame, I'll make banners for the winner so that you can prove for once and for all that you are, in fact, the best in your category.

This is a choice awards thing, so it's up to common vote! WOOHOO right?

Read the rules, have fun, advertise, and I need all of the submissions in by June 8th...then I'll see what has the most nominations and based off of that I will have 5 (or fewer if we don't get enough) choices for each category, a week of voting will ensue, and YAY FUN!

ENTER SUBMISSIONS YO!


	5. Chapter 5

TWO MONTHS LATER

I was sitting in my room reading a book when I heard someone knocking on the door. "Come in." Joe opened the door and rushed to my side in tears. "Jesus Christ, Joey, what's wrong?"

"I can't touch him." Joe sniffled.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I can't touch him." Joe gulped. "Every time I get close to touching him below the waist at all I go back there…I see him chained up, gagged…I remember exactly what was going through my mind as I forced him to do the last thing that he wanted to do…" Joe let out a hitched sob. "I mean we agreed to take it slow, but he's put his hands on my ass before…and I feel like I'm screwing him over for a balanced relationship. I just hate that I took him like that…I hate that I let him be bound and tortured, that I DID the torturing." I put my arm around Joe…I had no idea what he was feeling but I knew that it must be terrible.

"It's ok Joe." I tried to rub his back in what I thought was a comforting manner, but he pulled away from me.

"No, it's really not." Joe shook his head. "I can't even put my hands near his chest because my fingers brush with the scar that I left him…the scars I guess…I branded him and he still loves me." Joe broke down and I held him as he shook.

"You can't worry about that if you're going to be with him." I sighed. "Yes, you did hurt him, but you didn't mean to."

"Yes I did!" Joe nodded fervently and I realized that I had clearly said the wrong thing.

"Ok, you meant to, but you didn't mean to do it to HIM…and you wouldn't do it now if you had the option. You've changed and he loves you…you have to think about what your hesitancy is doing to him…I mean you have to embrace the possibility that he thinks that you're pushing him away.

"Did he say something to you?!" Joe looked worried and anxious. I sighed and shook my head.

"No, he hasn't said anything, it's just…I don't think that he wants to remember you the way that you used to be and if you hesitate he's more likely to remember what happened and I would REALLY hate to see something like that cause a rift in your compatibility. You're both so broken and you both bear both literal and figurative scars that very well may never go away, but you can make them fade if you can find away to forgive yourself…" I let out a deep sigh. "He's forgiven you; it's you who can't get past what happened, not him."

"I know." Joe looked down, wiping a few of tears.

"He wants you Joe."

"I want him too!" Joe looked up at me, delivering his declaration emphatically. "I want him more than anything, I'm just afraid of hurting him again."

"He won't let you." I shook my head. "If he thought that you were going to hurt him he would shut down, block you out completely and he's kind of doing the opposite of that." I smiled slightly. "He hangs around you like there's no one else of significance on this planet, and to him I'm not totally sure that there is."

"He talks to you."

"Yeah." I shrugged. "But mostly what he has to say is about you and about how much he loves you…it would be annoying if he weren't such a sweet kid."

"How is like that?" Joe sighed. "He's forgiving and kind and tough all at once…"

"It's in his blood." I punched Joe softly in the stomach. "He has good genes, we all do." Joe smiled slightly and I patted him on the shoulder. "Come on now, go find him, tell him that you're ready to move on, get past this." I grinned. "Tell him that you love him." Joe froze slightly and I looked at him, confused. "Are you ok?"

"I haven't told him."

"What?"

"I just realized…I've never said that I love him. I've implied it and I think that he may know, but god…I've never said it straight out!"

"Ok, Joe that might be part of your problem…" I sighed and put my arm around him. "If you love him you should be able to tell him."

"I'm scared!" Joe sighed. "I just can't help but revisit what I did and I feel guilty telling him how I feel about him!"

"Look, Joe, you love the kid, right?"

"Yes." Joe nodded fervently and I smiled apologetically at him. "Look, Nick got it easy, you overhead his confession…he didn't have to tell you to your face…"

"But he has since then…" Joe let out a deep sigh. "He has a certain way that he holds him when he wants to tell me how he feels…his arms wrap around my waist and he sort of squeezes my stomach gently and whispers in my ear…I just kiss him, that's how I let him know what I'm feeling."

"Ok, Joe…here's what you have to do." I took a deep breath. "Go to his room, don't let him say it first, don't let him say anything first in fact, just go in there, stand up tall and tell him that you love him…it's easy. Just go to him and say 'Nick, I love you.'"

"I dunno…" Joe screwed up his face and sniffled.

"You can do it." I pulled him up to his feet and shoved him slightly towards the doorway.

"Come with me…?" Joe looked at me pleadingly. "Just wait outside of the door or something? I can't do this alone."

"Fine." I nodded and followed him from the room. We walked down the hallway a couple feet and I stood out of view while Joe pushed Nick's door open.

"Nick?" I heard Joe begin.

"Hey, what's-"

"Nick, I love you." Joe cut Nick off, speaking rather quickly. "I didn't know how to say it because I feel guilty about everything that I did to you, but I can't go on anymore without saying it, it feels wrong to never return your declarations with words…I'm sick of using actions to let you know how I feel. I love you, Nicholas."

_**A/N Everything has to end right? And now it's time for this story to come to a close, so in the immortal of words of someone somewhere, THE END!**_


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